I attempt to do so by asking questions and gaining knowledge as to why something was said or why a certain event happened in the first place.
I turn to the person next to me, dubious, head cocked to the side.
I ask, over and over again.
Learning the motive behind the action allows me to acquire a certain measurement of control;
It brings me to a more tangible sanity.
My inquisitiveness triggers 1,000 questions and I find myself over analyzing every situation.
Every word spoken and unspoken.
All these discombobulated thoughts that are in my head tend to leave me indecisive about my next maneuver.
Do I turn left, right, go back, or just keep going forward?
Eventually I’ll make a decision.
Hopefully it’s the best one.
If not, that’s what growing orbits around; mistakes that lead to a better change within yourself.
The kind of change that when you look in your mirror today,
You see something slightly more beautiful than you saw yesterday.
This sort of internal improvement is what I strive for.
It’s why I allow myself to be so incredibly indecisive.
Why I allow myself to analyze each step.
Will this make me better or worse?
Will this make me happier?
Ask me about my disposition on life.
Ask me about politics, religion, love.
I can give you an answer.
My ideals will merge from my heart and brain and pour themselves off my tongue into the world around me.
And, today, this is how I really feel.
But one thing I have learned is that everything changes: the colors of the leaves on the trees, the number of wrinkles on an old woman’s face, the weight on the scale, the amount of money in our pockets and, people.
So ask me about my disposition on life, but like everything else in this world, it may change.
And with the slightest luck it’ll be the kind of change that makes me prouder than I was yesterday.